i knew this moment would come eventually. i’ve known it since the moment i picked up harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone in november 1998. i was in second grade, an avid reader, and my school librarian thought that i might like it. to her, it was just another book she could lend out to a kid to increase literacy. to me, it was something that changed my life.
since i was in second grade, i wasn’t exactly at a quick reading level yet so it took me an entire week to finish the first book. every night for that week i was transported to a world unlike anything you would ever find in a small town in upstate new york. i was in a magical world with dragons and centaurs, three headed dogs and magic wands, lighters that could hold an entire streets’ worth of light and wizards with beards long enough to touch the ground. it was a world i never wanted to leave, and i promised then, at seven years old, to never grow up enough to not believe in that world.
my uncle and i have a nonexistent relationship since around that time in my life. he came and stayed with us while my grandfather was dying and noticed me reading the book one day. that christmas he got me something that will forever be in my top three presents ever, next to my dog and my video camera. he got me a hardcover set of the first three harry potter books.
when order of the phoenix came out, i had finally persuaded my parents to let me do a midnight opening. i stood online with my dad for maybe forty five minutes (small town, smaller bookstore), and i have never been so mesmerized. i stayed up all that night reading and read all day, which is exactly what i did for the next two books.
when the book deathly hallows was released, it was devastating, but in a way that it was only one part of my childhood ending, as opposed to the whole thing. i was sixteen and not ready to let go of my adolescence, so the fact that i had at least two more movies was consoling.
now it’s almost here. the last two movies. by the time the series is done, i will be six months away from my twenty-first birthday, and even more unwilling to let go of the last bit of childhood i have left. i fully anticipate tears that night, in addition to a mandatory midnight showing.
by the trailer, the movie looks breathtakingly stunning. i’ve always loved how well they do the effects on the harry movies. now my biggest fear is the translation from page to screen. if they mess up this movie, they mess up my childhood, and at twenty i will still want a do-over.
i have two tests and three papers, all due tomorrow.
and i can’t concentrate.
i’m leaving here for eight weeks on saturday, all i have to get through is 4 PM tomorrow and i’m done with anything academic until september and I CAN’T CONCENTRATE. all i want to do is look up old american idol videos on youtube. does anyone remember john stevens and jon peter lewis? because i rediscovered my love for them today.
a letter to someone who inspires me on his birthday
dear joss whedon,
you once said, “remember to always be yourself. unless you suck.” then you showed us what a universe like that would be. you gave us buffy, spike, angel and willow, serenity and firefly, and you gave us doctor horrible. you gave us one of the best episodes of glee (in my opinion) and the screenplay to toy story. you gave me a childhood. you gave me and countless other geeks hope for the future, for both the entertainment world and ourselves. you made me laugh, you made me form emotional attachments, you got me through some really low points in my life. you taught us “Take my love, take my land / Take me where I cannot stand / I don’t care, I’m still free / You can’t take the sky from me / Take me out to the black / Tell ‘em I ain’t comin’ back / Burn the land and boil the sea / You can’t take the sky from me / There’s no place I can be / Since I found serenity / But you can’t take the sky from me.” if i ever needed a place to turn, you’ve always been there. thank you for that, joss. thank you for everything. thank you for being a geek and not conforming to society’s perception of “cool.”
always be yourself, joss. especially because you don’t suck.
this is what happens when run joey run meets omegle
Stranger: hi :)You: RUN JOEY RUNStranger: SEE JOEY RUNStranger: JOEY RUNS FASTStranger: :)You: RUN JOEY! RUNNNNNNNNNStranger: SEEE JOEY!!!! SEEE JOEY RUN!!!You: RUN FROM THE GUNStranger: OH NOOOStranger: RUN FROM THE GUN JOEY!!Stranger: RUN FROM IT!Stranger: JOEY IS RUNNING FROM THE GUNNN!!!Stranger: SEE JOEY RUNN!!! JOEY RUNS FROM THE GUN!!!You: RACHEL’S DAD IS GONNA SHOOT!You: RUN JOEY!Stranger: OHH NOOOOOYou: RUN FASTER!Stranger: RUNN JOEYYY!!!Stranger: RUN FASTER JOEYY!!!!Stranger: JOEY RUNS FASTER!!!Stranger: SEEE JOEY RUN FASTER!!!Stranger: does rachel run with joey?You: rachel just got shot to protect joeyStranger: oh.Stranger: RUN JOEYY RUNNN!!!!!You: RUN JOEY!Stranger: GO GO GOO!!!Stranger: has joey run enough?You: NO!You: JOEY NEEDS TO KEEP RUNNINGStranger: KEEP RUNNING!!You: RUN FAR AWAY FROM RACHEL’S DADStranger: isn’t rachel’s dad concerned with joey?Stranger: i mean concerned with rachel?Stranger: because she is like dying right?Stranger: I’M SO CONFUSEDStranger: oh wellStranger: RUN JOEY!!!! KEEP RUNNING!!! RUN RUN RUN!!!!You: rachel just diedYou: for joeyStranger: awwwStranger: KEEP RUNNING JOEY !!!Stranger: RUN FOR RACHEL!!!Stranger: RUN JOEY RUN!!!Stranger: is joey tired?Stranger: poor rachelStranger: doesn’t rachel’s dad feel guilty now?Stranger: BAD RACHEL’S DADDStranger: RUN JOEY RUN!!!!Stranger: WOOHOOOO GO JOEY!!!You: rachel’s dad feels bad for killing rachelStranger: i think i’m getting too emotionally involved in the fate of Rachel and JoeyStranger: but he still wantsa kill joey?You: but he wanted to shoot joeyStranger: yeahYou: because joey wanted to marry rachelStranger: right.Stranger: RUN JOEY RUNStranger: is joey away now?Stranger: HIDE JOEY HIDEYou: joey’s gotten pretty far nowStranger: GOOD JOB JOEYYou: he needs to change his name and faceStranger: yup.You: to hide from papa rachStranger: mmmhmmmYou: and then he can live his life to the fullest in honor of rachelStranger: YESStranger: LIVE JOEY LIVEStranger: the end?You: BE THE BEST JOEYStranger: mmhmmStranger: JOEY IS BEING THE BESTStranger: GOOD JOB JOEYStranger: the end…You: for this chapter of joey’s life, yes
i have meltdowns three or four times a year. i usually have them in october, january, march and june. i don’t need a trigger, it just happens. i get really emotional and suddenly i just lose it. i figured it was about time when i realized that i was starting to get irrationally angry about little nothings and i was lashing out at one of my friends for no reason. today, after four hours of working on a paper, eight episodes of how i met your mother and three episodes of grey’s anatomy, i was starting to tip over the edge with anger. let it be on the record that all the tv was for my paper, the glee one, which is on gender portrayal and stereotypes in television. so i go over to my friends’ dorm and chill there for a little bit, watching the naked gun (i think it had quality potential if we had started from the beginning) and just chilled. it would have been fine except for the fact that the anger kept building and building. like i said, there’s no trigger, this is a totally random occurrence. after the movie i hung out with one of my friends and just ranted about possible triggers for this since he noticed i was angry and he knows that i have this weird complicated thing going on with one of my best friends and that the whole situation is starting to drive me nuts. all of a sudden, halfway through my rant, i snapped. i started laughing. for no reason. FOR THREE HOURS. my friend knew that i needed to get my anger out somehow other than laughing hysterically, which is my standard reaction when i’m past the point of no return, so he started saying all of this stuff that should have either made me want to punch him in the face or cry. the sad thing is, i had heard it all before. every horrible thing that could have possibly been said, and i had heard it to the point where the only affect it had on me was to make me laugh more. this went on a little later than i thought it would so i didn’t get back to my place till a little after midnight to discover that i didn’t have my key and i was locked out of my apartment. i went to both doors, which were locked, and someone unpropped the outside doors. so i went back to my friend’s place while i waited for another friend to let me into the building and we talked some more until he went to sleep around 1:30, saying i could crash on his couch if i needed to. my friend with the key texted me at 3 saying he was outside, where i discovered that there was no open way to get into my dorm. so i got to wait for campus safety until about 3:30 and then i got to do homework. and now it’s 5 AM, my homework is barely done, i still have to work on my paper, i have finals to study for, i want to be home, i want to stay here and i spent an hour and a half staring at my friend’s ceiling, wondering what could possibly be making me so angry. i mean, i think i might know one of the triggers, but i’m still trying to figure out everything else that’s pissing me off. so if i’m a little psychotic or whatever for the next few days, i’m sorry. i’m also sorry if you just read all of that and think i’m insane.
Day One: Introduce yourself. List your likes and dislikes. Day Two: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day. Day Three: Share your favorite quote/song lyric. Day Four: Smile! We want to see your teeth today. Post a self-portrait. Day Five: Share your favorite recipe. Day Six: Time to face morph: Pick one of the categories. Day Seven: Provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes. Day Eight: Create a bucket list, whether or not your aspirations or rational. Day Nine: Describe your food consumption today. Day Ten: Share one of your current favorite tunes. Day Eleven: List some of your favorite tumblrs. Day Twelve: Set a goal. Day Thirteen:Provide the HEX code(s) of your favorite color(s). Day Fourteen: Post a Youtube video that makes you laugh/inspires you. Day Fifteen: This is the last day and you are an owl. Place your hands like this over your eyes and take a picture.
all my life, i’ve been the supporting actress in the chaos known as my life. i’ve always played second fiddle to the leading men and leading ladies that have dominated my life. that’s one of my biggest problems. i’ve been conditioned to fit the best friend role. you know, the quirky friend who you always think might wind up getting everything she wants at the end but winds up falling just short and has to watch on the sidelines as the leading lady gets the guy, the job, everything she wants. like judy greer in 27 dresses or leah in juno or kristin chenoweth when she was on the pageant circuit. for nineteen years, this has been one of my biggest problems: i’m a pushover who’s always been ok with being the supporting actress in my own life. in the movie the holiday, arthur says that there are two types of people, the leading ladies and the best friend, and that kate winslet’s character, iris, was too content with playing the best friend. i am iris.
after being told for years that i’m not good enough, that i’ll never be good enough, that i am incapable of making my own decisions, i’m done. i’m sick of playing second string in my own life. it’s about time i get to lead my own life instead of being told what to do all the time. and you’re probably thinking i’m an idiot, if you read this at all, but if you did i love you.
i’ve been nothingsgonnachange for about a year now…maybe it’s time for a switch. if i do, i’m thinking maybe watchtheworldanddontforget (don mclean’s vincent), citylightslayoutbeforeus (tracy chapman’s fast car), idasktheworldtodance (artie abrams, billy idol) or dontbackdown (bon jovi).